Four Things to Improve Houston Texans
Four things that would make the Houston Texans better
If you didn’t know, the Houston Texans, pride of the NFL at 2-13, are in the lead for the Reggie Bush Sweepstakes. Many experts argue that Reggie Bush, along with T.O., will help the Texas out of the shithole that is last place. Before I give you my four suggestions, let me say this:
Texans’ new mascot
While they are not the worst team ever that maybe past Chicago Cubs teams were, to think that the NFL is full of the best of the best and can still come out with a stream of diarrhea like this team is amazing. If a college team can beat you, something is wrong. I know many of you reading this think you’re smart by saying, “Oh just give QB David Carr an offensive line, Reggie Bush, T.O. and Patrick’s balls and it’s over,” but all these things won’t do shit. The Texans go to show that even though you have good players, it doesn’t mean you automatically win. Lucky Patrick N is back with some improvements:
1.Replace the offensive line with hot chicks
I am hinting that the offensive line sucks and that a pack of hot, bikini-wearing women will do a better job of protecting David Carr than what they have now. In fact, getting them to be naked would even be better. 
Reggie Bush will have easy holes to run through if this front five is able to open the holes by showing their tits. Plus, when they let the defensive line get to Carr for the 400th time, at least their excuse of not doing anything is better than the current frontline’s excuse…of not doing anything.
2.
+
If all Texan fans had PSPs and iPods, they can actually be entertained while being at the stadium. They also won’t have to hear the other team’s fans talk shit on them while their team is being raped like the minor league organization that they are.
3.Sex.
I have nothing to say because if this isn’t enough for you in any situation, you are retarded or have been neutered. In either case, no one wants you near an NFL stadium.
4.Dr. Emmett Brown from Back to the Future to create a time machine to not make the team in the first place
We’re going back, Marty! Back to avoid creating the Texans!
What kind of name is “The Texans”? Do you realize people that are paid more money than what I make in 5 years sat around at some table and this was the best name that came out of their brainstorming. This should have told everyone how shitty this team was going to end up.
Even if you disagree on my reasons, you will agree that you have never seen a Texan game because no one gives a fuck about the Texans. What’s the last Texans’ game you saw? Do you remember? Even if you watched it, you don’t remember what happened because your mind is designed to forget traumatic experiences. It’s like when you were beaten by your dad but when you grow older you kind of blocked that out of your mind. Then when you bump your head on a drawer at work you get all these suppressed memories from the beatings of your dad and start weeping uncontrollably. Then all your co-workers look at you and think you just uploaded a virus and now you are fired. Fag. But you’re not a fag, you just got suppressed memories of watching the Texans.