Seahawks and Pennies
Comparing the Seattle Seahawks and a Bag of Pennies: An Objective Analysis
Two weeks ago I received an email wondering why I was talking shit on the Seahawks saying that they sucked. I reminded the reader that the Seahawks suck because THEY ARE THE FUCKING SEAHAWKS. Then I felt there was an obligation for me to have an objective analysis of the Seahawks. So I present to you my objective analysis on who would make a better Super Bowl champion, the Seattle Seahawks or a bag of pennies.
 |
 |
 Never won a championship |
 Never used by pornostars as a dildo |
| The only team this year in Seattle that is doing shit |
The only coin used to annoy people in line waiting for you to pay |
| Has a pro bowl quarterback that no one cares about |
Has a president on the back that wishes he was on the quarter |
| The only #1 seed that is an underdog to a #6 team |
The only coin that is worth less than the Vietnamese dollar: the dong |
| Loves to fuck up in crunch time by dropping passes |
Does nothing |
| Has an MVP running back with a Grand Canyon sized gap between his teeth |
Can fill the gap of one’s asshole should one need to take a shit really bad |
| Is in a city that rains all the time |
Is usually thrown on the street to where even bums won’t pick it up |
| Is soft |
Is hard |
| Can surprise opponents with their D, but not really hurt people |
Can hurt people |
| Even if they win the Super Bowl, like the White Sox, no one will care |
Is worth more than the Canadian penny, barely |