In an attempt to prove that their priorities are in the wrong place, the NFL owners voted to limiting the fucking shit out of end zone celebrations because they want to cater to old asshole farts instead of the age group that actually watches football.

NFL owners voted 29-3 Wednesday to limit end zone demonstrations, including those using props such as Johnson’s pylon putt or Terrell Owens’ Sharpie signing; or another Owens specialty, sit-ups after a score.

Also banned: Johnson’s proposal to a cheerleader on the sideline - another of his shows last year - because he got down on one knee and doffed his helmet.

On the other hand, his “Riverdance” routine, one of last season’s highlight film bests, will be OK because he stayed on his feet. That kind of thing is still allowed, as is spiking, dunking or spinning the ball after a TD.

Owners and league officials acknowledge the entertainment value of touchdown celebrations, many featuring Johnson, Owens or Carolina’s Steve Smith, three of the league’s top wide receivers.

But they also had had numerous communications from officials of youth football leagues, saying that more and more youngsters were imitating NFL players. And they said a group of players, most of them defenders, who talked to them during meetings in Indianapolis last month agreed the demonstrations were a bit over the top and should be modified.

Source: Fox Sports

Wow, next they will ban drinking alcohol and call it “prohibition” and then…

Let’s take away touchdown celebrations because kids are imitating their heroes. Of course, the ones that were crying the most were defensive players because they can’t do sack celebrations. Will people stop going to the games because of the limitations on celebrations? Of course not. But that is like saying people won’t stop living in the country if you take away their right to listen to Howard Stern on public radio. They will still live in the U.S. because the people here still feel it’s the best option for them, but if you take away enough little things people enjoy, people are going to turn to something else.

And stop with those arguments comparing college football and the NFL. Colin COWSHIT on ESPN radio was saying that college football has no touchdown celebrations and their ratings are high, so the NFL will be fine as well. Football, as COWSHIT says, is a team driven league, not a player driven league. Is that right, bitch? College football is team driven. The only time I wanted to watch a team because of the players was last year’s USC team that had one-in-a-lifetime stars all on one team. Besides that, yes, college football is team driven, not player driven; ask Marcus Vick. But the NFL is player driven. Only Terrell Owens can make a mediocre offense like the Cowboys popular or at least recognizable without even playing one game. I watch the Falcons because Michael Vick is bad ass. If Michael Vick was not on that team, then I don’t want to watch the Falcons. I don’t care if their defense is great… unless Ray Lewis is on the defense. Many people watch the NFL to see players kick some ass, not to see whole teams perform excellent execution with their offensive line. That would be like making me watch women not dunk in the WNBA. ZZZzzzz the NFL is player driven and college football is not, so eat my shit.

And what the fuck is up with just banning certain things but not others? Oh, I can’t do sit ups, but I can spin the fucking ball. WHAT? I can dunk the ball, but I can’t use a pylon to hit the ball. HUHZ? I can do the FUCKING RIVERDANCE, but I can’t fucking DO THE BIRD BABY. WHAT IN THE MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY? Let’s just make this for what it is. Let’s reduce the rules into one all encompassing rule that they’re trying to say:

Rule 1: Any Black player doing something cool and creative in the endzone is illegal.

There. Now you have no problem. Anytime Terrell Owens thinks of anything you throw his ass a flag. Steve Smith starts busting his dance? Yellow Flag Rapola. Gee, I wish White players would do the bird. I mean RIVERDANCE IS OKAY?

Dancing was banned a long time ago in the NFL and was brought back because fans were complaining about the ban every year like college football fans were complaining about the BCS every year. Let’s look at the different endzone dances in the past and see how they rate:

The Icky Shuffle: Icky Woods did his shuffle and pretty much caused the ban on endzone dancing because the dance was so horribly gay. What did help was that he had to run all the way to his sidelines to do it. F

Sharpie Signing: Terrell Owens busted out a Sharpie and signed a football for a fan after a touchdown. That was pretty fucking nice of him if you asked me. How did the NFL react to T.O’s generosity? They banned it. A

Horn Cell Phone Productions: Joe Horn, soon after Owens busted his sharpie, got a touchdown and he pulled out a cell phone that was hidden under the goalpost and pretended to answer it. This would have been original if Owens didn’t do his Sharpie Signing before this. C

Pom Pom fun: After Owens scored a touchdown, he took a cheerleader’s pom poms to help him with their cheering. What did The Man do to him for his helpful nature? Ban. D+ (plus added because it pissed off old people)

Goal Post Slam Dunk: I don’t know who came up with this, but it always came off as blah because the ball flew a million miles away. F

Packer Fan Jump: Whenever a Packer player gets a touchdown, they jump into the crowd and all the fans hug him. Wow, more like the Green Bay Buttpackers. F

Star Slam Part I & II: Not knowing how ironic it was going to be, Owens did a snow angel on the Dallas Cowboys’ star. Upon the second touchdown, he slammed the football on the same star and prompted a pissed off Cowboy to push him from behind like a coward. I know Dallas fans were mad about T.O. at the time, but when you see him do the bird on the Eagles’ logo (which will probably happen a lot if you read Nicky P’s newest article), you will dance as T.O. dances. B (two grades up for pissing someone off)

Chad Johnson Riverdance: Cool. A dance not banned by The Man. I wonder why. F

The Bird: This dance was created when Owens joined the Eagles. It was nice of T.O. to show his team spirit by creating a dance for his team. So what reward did he get for showing his team spirit? Banned. Off the team. B-

Ray Lewis Dance: Ray Lewis likes to do this wacky dance before a game. It’s a pretty fun dance. It’s the same happy dance he did when he helped kill someone (allegedly) and then did this dance when he got off. B

Ray Lewis Dance (T.O. remix): There was much to be said about Owens not wanting to join the Ravens. Lewis got all butthurt about it and talked shit all over T.O. Then when Owens scored a touchdown at Baltimore, he busted out his own version of Ray Lewis’s dance, risking a Ray Lewis homicide. When I saw this dance, it was like watching the Red Sox win the World Series. A+

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 29th, 2006 at 1:59 pm and is filed under On the Offense. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.