Why I will download movies instead of watch them in the theatre

I like theatres called “The Pirate Bay” and “TorrentSpy.”

Krikorian Theatres is an Edwards and AMC wannabe chain of theatres near where I live. Before I tell you this story, I must warn you like I warn my chick that I will leave a movie with no problem for any reason. I pay $10 fucking bucks; I expect a royal treatment. If the movie does not capture me literally in the first 10 minutes, I will leave the theatre and ask for my money back and happily explain that I want my money back because I don’t enjoy paying $10 for shit.

So I planned to watch Nacho Libre because, shit, I’m insane like that. Also, my chick really wanted to see it and I was horny so it worked out. I buy a drink from a store in the open mall and bring it in the theatre. The ticketman, a big fat piece of shit that thinks he’s pretty ripped, tells me I can’t bring my drink in. The conversation went as follows:

Patrick N: Uhh, are you serious? I bought the drink from the same strip.

Patrick N: You know what, fuck this. That’s what I’m going to do. Fuck this place.

So now I’m pissed as hell and this marks the fastest I have ever left a theatre. My girl said afterwards that it was worth going through the waste of time driving to the theatre to see me bust my assholeness out. So I go to the front to ask for my money back:

Patrick N: Can I have my money back?

Vendor: Uhh, is cash okay?

The cowardly manager was there listening to me but being afraid to raise her head to acknowledge my seamless logic. So me and my chick went home and watched Orgazmo, which I know was a good movie anyway and was cheaper than going to the theatre. That’s including paying for the overpriced theatre food. Seriously, if you charge $10 for popcorn, that’s popped corn seeds with fake butter, than you better include a handjob.

Now HERE’S popcorn worth $10.

Fuck the MPAA. Look, is it stealing when you download shit? Yeah. But the MPAA plays those hilarious commercials showing how the little guy is getting fucked (because they know if they show the rich man getting fucked, people will download MORE). Hey MPAA, how about you not fuck me with your overblown movie prices and food and let me bring my own food and drink in? And while I’m at it, the RIAA can suck my cock too. They are actually SUING youtube users for singing and dancing to music they haven’t licensed. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? They are also butthurt about allofmp3.com for charging 10 cents for a song. Cry more?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 21st, 2006 at 9:26 am and is filed under Be a Man Like N. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.