On the Offense Radio 47 got me fired from Insidepulse Sports. I was not allowed to say bye to my friends there, so this is your letter. Thank you for working with me. I enjoyed your company, time, and writing. This goes especially to Omar Padilla, Slayer, Steve Price, Nick Pomazak, , P. Citty, Daniels, Mark Neeley, Eric S, and my grizzlies.

To the spineless piece of shit that cried about my show to Widro out of context when he should have had my back, and you know who you are you puss, there’s a reason why no one likes you nor wants to work with you. I never trusted you. When I finally did, you fucked me like I knew you would.

For those that did figure out the irony of my criticisms for v3 (e.g. I have a blog, My Space, and worked really hard on v3), cheers to you for reading me so long that you get my humor oh ho ho. For those that aren’t familiar that I usually say one thing and do another, I am sorry Widro if you ever see this. If you know Widro, pass the word because I’d feel awkward at this point telling him myself.

On the Offense’s final run ends at an unpublished OTO 95 which I will present here. For now, I will post updates for “How to Be a Man Like Patrick N” until I have enough material to submit a book. If I have time, the radio show lives on. It got me fired. The least I can do is pay it back by making it live. Asshole.

And now, here is the final unfinished version of OTO 95:

USA Basketball Grows Up

This year’s USA Basketball team is the sign of the times that basketball has become a world sport. Of course not to the extent of soccer, but it’s getting there. People remember the Dream Team of Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, and Magic Johnson. It was the greatest display of basketball ever, right? It was the greatest thing ever for the US to show their dominance in something. It was nice for us to beat the shit out of other countries. It was great to see Charles Barkley take a dump on some poor thin bitch that will never play pro nor be near pro players ever again. He must have treasured the Dream Team experience for the rest of his life.

The Dream Team may be the worse thing that has ever happened to USA Basketball.

Every year people expect the USA Basketball team to perform like the Dream Team. If they don’t, it becomes a huge disappointment and people go off about how the new generation of players is selfish and doesn’t know how to play basketball. One radio guy here in L.A. said that this year’s team holds about as much interest as the WNBA Finals. How stupid is that?

When a sport becomes popular, everyone gets better at it because, shit, they want to. Like it or not, soccer is getting more popular in the US and coincidently we are getting better at it.

USA Basketball recently defeated Germany while Germany played zone defense with three 7’ assholes camping in the key. USA had to shoot from outside and play D to win, yet people cry that we suck after this game. “Learn to make a fuckin’ outside shot.” People cry that we’re a piece of shit and that Spain and Argentina are easily going to take a big shit on us just because we won by playing D.

Let me give a soccer analogy.

Brazil soccer has the most talent overall right now. Robinho. Ronaldo. Ronaldinho. Kaka. Everyone expected them to take a big shit in the World Cup but they sucked and came home to burning statues. Just because you put the best players together, doesn’t mean you have the best team. Brazil proved this. USA Basketball of years past has been playing like Brazil soccer. So now we enlist role players and play some D and people cry about it? People should be happy about how we are being forced to play the game: with skill. Basketball is now truly a world sport and the playing field is now evening out and shit we are still dominant. We just have to play D and stop dribbling all day around thin guys and elbowing them. We actually have to pass. The USA and Dominican Republic had stacked teams in the World Baseball Classic and they didn’t win shit. Relax. And enjoy this USA Basketball team where they are able to play O, able to play D, able to maintain big leads, and able to win close games when they need to.

If you want to watch USA be dominant in something because you are that insecure about your country, watch the Overweight Olympics. We win that every year.

Emo Players Rule

Sometime ago Cristiano Ronaldo of Manchester United came back and took a big shit on Fulham along with the guy he helped sent off, Wayne Rooney. After that day, I was mowing my lawn with my cock, because that’s what real men do, when it started to rain. Or at least I thought it was raining. It was actually my neighbor crying about how he hates Cristiano Ronaldo because he’s emo.

Patrick N: Why you crying you little bitch?
Neighbor: I hate Cristiano Ronaldo. He’s a fucking faggot emo goth queer.
Patrick N: Why is he emo.
Neighbor: You see his sleeves? They are too long. What an emo faggot.
Patrick N: You wear your shorts too long and sag them. Doesn’t that make you emo then?
Neighbor: No that makes me gangster.

He then proceeded to tell me that no man should show emotion and that’s why emo is pussy. I brought up the fact that logic dictates that he is emo as well because he’s crying about a sports player being emo. He then pissed his pants right there because of my sheer dominance and went back inside to change his pants. There was an EA Sports commercial where Adam Morrison said, “Yeah I cried. And when I get to the NBA, more people will cry.”

Emo people cry and show emotion. So what? I’d rather cry for a playoff game than cry that I lost my job. Or worse, cry because someone is emo.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 6th, 2006 at 8:28 pm and is filed under On the Offense. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.