Bathroom Manners
This should never happen.
In the past, bathrooms were as clear as gender lines. The men’s line was always short, and the women’s line was always long. Some women would go into the men’s room and squat over the john to piss just because the women’s line was way too long. Things are different now. Men have become emo. It used to be that mom and the sister take forever in the bathroom. Now, dad is making sure his nails are trimmed with brother is making sure his hair is alright. Thanks for taking up bathroom space for something you can do from the microwave reflection.
I once went to an Anaheim Ducks game and left to buy some beer during the end of the 1st Period. There was a bunch of guys standing in a long ass line. I asked the guy in front of me, “Yo dawg, is this the line for beer. Everyone’s getting smashed today and shit. Shitty ass game.” Dipshit tells me, “No man, it’s the line for the bathroom.” I could not believe it. So I decided to take it upon myself to find out why the line was so long. I pretended to go buy some food and cut in line in the very front. The men’s room was packed with people. And they weren’t just busting 1 and 2. They were adjusting their clothes, combing their hand and, I fucking shit you not, washing their hands. This girly shit just has to go. In order to restore manhood in a bathroom by forcing them to leave, here are some techniques:
1) Fart.
I’m not talking about silent but deadly either. I’m talking stand in the middle of the room and just lay one out and act like nothing happened. Then when these metros start looking at you, you look at THEM like something is wrong with them for not being comfortable with farts. Never mind the fact that it is actually pretty repugnant that what they are smelling is air from your ass.
2) Act retarded.
Some people are pretty good at acting retarded. Jessica Simpson, Rosie O’Fat, Kevin Federline, and Ashton Kutcher all are retarded, but attempt to act normal. Either way, nothing makes people more uncomfortable than a retarded person. Start slapping your chest wildly like a gorilla (use only one hand) and yell out, “DURRRRR” and people will leave the bathroom immediately. You can also say your name really loud as well to add to the effect. Sometimes, if you do it really well, those that are pissing or taking a shit will actually stop their process and run out with their pants down, toilet paper still stuck to their asses.
Bathroom Etiquette
Those that are of the childish and immature nature do stupid things in the bathroom that fuck up shit for everyone else. Some think it’s hilarious to piss on the toilet seat. The supposed hilarity is that unsuspecting victims will sit on the toilet with your piss on their ass, or even funnier, they put the seat cover paper on it to have the paper end up soaking with piss. Other more advanced thinkers piss on the toilet roll so that when it dries up, victims wipe their asshole with your piss. Those that think these are childish and immature are obviously victims from these activities. These activities are necessary to keep men as men and are not the product of childish behavior.
Real men don’t sit on toilet seats and use toilet paper. Women sit to pee. Therefore, if you’re sitting on anything while shitting or pissing, you are a woman. If you absolutely have to bend over while shitting, squat over it like a beday. If you sit on a toilet seat and your ass gets drenched in another man’s piss, you deserve it. Of course, there are many different scenarios that could contribute to a man sitting on the toilet. You can use this guide to help you if you get confused seeing a man sit while going to the bathroom:
So remember, it is your duty as a man to restore the balance of men’s bathroom management. If you see men combing their hair, or worse, washing their hands, then you need to fart or act retarded. If that doesn’t work, punch him. If he asks why you punched him, tell him that if he has to ask, then he deserves to get punched.