Patrick N likes movies. But sometimes, people like you don’t know how to enjoy them properly. Don’t worry, I’ve had lots of practice. I’ll break it down easily for you, pussy.

Read the spoilers on Wikipedia

Have you ever sat and watched a movie for three hours and wasted your time because you didn’t know that nothing happens at the end of the movie? Yeah, that was called Lord of the Rings 1, 2, and 3. Don’t go into a movie not knowing what’s going to happen. Some loser who goes to a midnight showing will write the spoilers for you. Just wait until the next morning like a normal person and read the spoilers. Now you’ll know if the movie sucks or not. You may ruin surprise endings, but really, when was the last time a surprise ending was satisfying? Fuck M. Night.

Tell good parts before they happen

Usually you’ll go with a friend. That works because you can let him know when to expect a good part because you already know. Your friend and the rest of the audience may act like that’s annoying, but they’re just trying to be cool. Make sure to say something like, “Oh watch this part,” or, “Oh this part is funny.” You can also throw him off by pretending to wince, making your friend wince, and then he misses a good part. That’s what the fucker gets for being a biter.

Say to wait for end of credits

There are many people that aren’t given credit for a movie except the ending credits. But pompous assholes like your friend will walk out as the credits roll. Do these unsung heroes justice by telling your friend loudly, oh there’s this cool part at the end of the credits, watch. By the end of the movie, you’ll have built so much credibility by revealing

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 16th, 2010 at 2:56 pm and is filed under Be a Man Like N. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.