Jan 26, 2008 Update

I’m going to add current rationale but there are three rules to a great movie:

1) The good guy wins
2) The bad guy loses or dies
3) The good guy gets the girl at the end

Yes, these all happen to be action movie criteria as well. It is rare, however, that you can find a good movie without these events happening at the end. Some break these rules, and my rationale will explain how the movie still is in my top ten.

1) Casshern

This is a Japanese movie using 6 million and making it look like 300 million. While the movie says a hero comes from lightning, there are no real heroes and villains in this movie based of a 1970s Anime. Each character has done evil things while having a bit of humanity and heart in them. I can usually guess how a movie will develop, but this movie was really hard to guess because of the blurred character type lines. I pretty much took a dump in my pants when the “hero” decides to call himself “Casshern.” One of the appealing aspects of this film is that there are things in it that seem like MAJOR plot holes to where you think you need to suspend your disbelief, but they fill up the hole in what turns out to be one of a zillion plot twists. This movie goes away from my traditional three rules and can because it’s just too fucking awesome. I’m hoping the live action Macross is half as bad ass as this.

2) Live Free or Die Hard

The best action movie ever. Ever. Most people won’t see it because they’ll think it’s another stupid Die Hard movie (which makes them stupid because all three previous ones raped), but I’m hoping word of mouth makes it last longer. Mr. Yippie-ki-yay-motherfucker isn’t someone who complains all day. He’s older. Now shit that happens makes him laugh to himself like a crazy old man. Combine that with Mr. Mac and you have the solid humor/bad ass tried and true formula.

3) Serenity

The best sci fi movie ever. Most people haven’t seen this or the great TV show for the same reason I didn’t: what the fuck is Serenity? This movie doesn’t have the bad guy die at the end because the bad guy is like Shepard Book. This movie doesn’t have the good guy get the girl at the end because the movie was setting for a trilogy that will never happen. Even though the movie breaks one major rule, there is a hint at it and for a movie as bad ass as this, that’s enough for me.

4) Hellblazer (Constantine Fan Edit)

I liked Constantine, but I always fast forwarded through parts of the movie. Based off the super cool Hellblazer story arc called “Bad Habits,” the fan edit edits out anything that doesn’t follow Constantine’s perspective, transitions to the next scene much faster, and puts the entire story together much more clearly. This movie also breaks rule 3, but it had the same set up as Serenity in that it was set for a trilogy as well. Like Serenity, the hint at hooking with the chick is good enough.

5) Creasy (Man on Fire Fan Edit)

I would always fast forward this movie to the middle when Creasy was getting his revenge. No need for the fan edit because it speeds the relationship and edits out anything not in Creasy’s point of view. It also had the ending I originally wanted where Creasy shoves a bomb up his own ass, goes to the main bad guy’s house, and blows up killing the bad guy. That by itself is so bad ass that it can break any fucking rule it wants.

5) Thank You For Smoking

Manipulation with words. The greatest practitioner of verbal martial arts is the man in this movie. He is so bad ass that he can turn a loaded panel of people against him in 30 seconds. Even when he hits obligatory rock bottom, he gets out of it fast with mad skills. He doesn’t get the chick at the end because he’s like Jack Sparrow (he’s not meant to be with one but many because of his mad skills), he actually helps bad guys in the end, and he really doesn’t win anything. So how the fuck could I love this movie? Easy, he is me. Mad skills means you can break the rules.

6) Operation: Swordfish

The good guys wins (all of them), he gets his daughter back (wins the girl), and there really is no bad guy. All the rules in compliance and he hacks the shit out of assholes. Too ez.

7) Fifth Element

All rules followed, Corbin Dallas is bad ass, and the chick is FUCKIN hot. This one is Patrick N Hall of Fame material.

8) Fight Club

I just read the book, so I’m back into the movie. This movie actually follows all the rules. Couple that with one of the best lines ever, “I want you to hit me as hard as you can,” and you have another Patrick N Hall of Fame material. Like most people, I didn’t like this movie because I expected an action movie. So while the movie bombed, if you watch it over and over, the movie gets better and better. You can’t say that about many films.

9) Clerks II

I think Rosario Dawson is ugly…except for this movie where she is, by the magic of Kevin Smith, pretty fucking hot. Three rule compliance with clear, quick pacing and you have a solid movie.

10) Waiting

I asked my friend who works at Islands if this movie is true and he said it was. This one is hard to find compliance for the rules because of so many characters, but it’s cool; someone gets to eat pube flakes for being an asshole. Now what.

This was #10 in August 2007:

10) Music and Lyrics

Yes, I know, it’s a chick flick. But the opening sequence rules, Drew Barrymore is pretty hot in the movie (rare), and Cora is pretty hot too. Combined with rule compliance and you’ll be on my top list for now.

This is my current favorite movies that I watch over and over as of August 27, 2006:

1) Serenity
2) Constantine
3) 40-Year-Old Virgin
4) Chronicles of Riddick
5) Fifth Element
6) Matrix Series
7) Office Space
8) Man on Fire
9) V for Vendetta
10) Bourne Identity/Supremacy

Former favorites:

Total Recall
Die Hard 3
Under Siege
Galaxy Quest
Pulp Fiction
Love Actually
My Best Friend’s Wedding
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
Underworld
Paycheck
Finding Nemo
Fight Club
Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
The Crow