We3 is written by Grant Morrison with artwork by Frank Quitely (The Authority).

Summary:

You have three animals in their own mech suits (think Iron Man with animals). The leader is a dog named Bandit, or 1, who is the meatshield of the team (story describes him as the tank). The Wolverine of the group is Tinker, or 2, who is a cat with a massive attitude. Tinker’s the group assassin. Finally, there’s a bunny named Pirate, or 3, who’s the explosives expert. Morrison obviously picks a bunny so we feel sad when Pirate gets killed by 4, a pit bull mech.

The three are controlled by Dr. Roseanne Berry, who trains them to work together on missions. The government decides to terminate the project and kill the animals, so the animals bounce and now have no home. The government tries to hunt them down with the military, but We3 are just too loaded. They then send a group of mech rats, but those gross pieces of shit fail. The animals are getting sick because they need medicine to maintain being in the suit. The bunny goes up to some farmer for food and the farmer caps the bunny and they run. Meanwhile, the government sends 4 out and 4 eats the bunny. 4 is deemed uncontrollable and the government kills it. Then the government tries to use Berry to bait Bandit, but Berry is like, “Fuck that” and tells Bandit to run, getting herself killed.

The story ends when the animals take so much firepower that the armor falls off. The Tinker takes care of a weak Bandit until someone, presumably this homeless guy that the animals met in the middle of the story, finds them and takes care of them.

Bad Ass Moment:

When the doctor takes a shot for the dog.

I Kinda Wish:

I kinda wish the animals owned more at the end. The animals show their power in the beginning of the story, but at the end they just run.

Rating:

***3/4. This will make a great movie, but not for kids. This baby is gory.

I haven’t wrote on here in a long time because I’ve been working on a new direction for this site since I’ve moved my fight ratings to 85% Sports. Don’t worry, I’m working hard when I have time. I’m working on a youtube show that I already have a pilot for. I want to make this show with the best production yet quickest production possible, so I’m working on production rituals and such. For now, I might just talk shit on Meg Whitman and say she’s the most retarded, unqualified rich person to ever go for governor. Anyone who’s solution to fix something is to not spend more and fire everyone like she did at eBay just oozes tard. And if you think she won’t raise taxes, ask all the eBay dipshits that cried when her company raised fees on sold shit. If you vote for her, it’s because you really hate Jerry Brown so much you don’t care that California burns. I get that by the way because Jerry Brown’s a bitch. So if you went that way, I’d understand.

Heavyweight bout: Roy Nelson vs. Junior dos Santos

Fat vs. muscle usually has fat win because muscle gasses from too much muscle. Nelson takes a bunch of bombs, survives, dos Santos gasses a little, but did prevent a major shutdown by not getting too excited when he got a knockdown to pull a Shane Carwin. Dos Santos survives to win decision. Two big guys punching is alright. **

Welterweight bout: Matt Hughes vs. Ricardo Almeida

I hate Matt Hughes and Almeida’s a 4-time bjj world champ, so you know who *I’m* going for. Joe Rogan knows his shit as he notices Hughes uses an orthodox stance which means Hughes either wants to punch or he expects punching, but last fight he went unorthodox because he expected wrestling. Almeida should be better than shitty Renzo Gracie. Uh oh, Almeida knocked down from a punch. Uh oh, front headlock. Looks tight. WTF ALMEIDA WENT TO SLEEP?! FROM A HEADLOCK? God, WTF. **1/2

Lightweight bout: Clay Guida vs. Rafael dos Anjos

Guida doesn’t want to tap gloves with dos Anjos which I love because I’m sick of fighters doing that. Takes the intensity off the fight a bit for me. Guida with some monster punches including one to the jaw. Guida on top and does a standard shoulder to dos Anjos’s chin and then using his free foot to pass half guard and…TAP?! W. T. F?????????????!!! Dos Anjos broke his jaw from one of Guida’s punches and the pressure was too much. But on the bright side, Guida tried to shake hands after and dos Anjos said fuck you. That’ll show him. *1/2

Catchweight bout (171.5 Ibs): Jon Fitch vs. Thiago Alves

Alves decided not to cut a final half pound because he couldn’t so he loses part of his purse. Joe Rogan correctly hypothesizes that he probably didn’t cut that last half pound because what he cut already weakened him so much. It’s pretty obvious that this is the case as Fitch takes down Alves at will and Alves has no energy to sweep out. Basic wrestler just laying on a guy and baby punching to a decision win. Yawn. 1/2

Middleweight Championship bout: Anderson Silva (c) vs. Chael Sonnen

I’m actually believing the hype on Sonnen’s shit talking. Especially the part where Lance Armstrong gave himself cancer. Silva gets a few solid hits standing but Sonnen knocks Silva down, lays on him, and lands a few blows and tap punches the rest of the round. This repeats for four rounds. Silva seems a bit content staying in guard trying to submit Sonnen or butterfly guard sweep him. I think Silva’s trying to avenge his Nogeria brothers black belt that Sonnen talked shit about. Joe Rogan says that Silva is hurt and tired from the big punches and laying on Silva, but Silva doesn’t seem that tired or hurt to me and none of Sonnen’s punches look like they’re hurting him, even the big ones, but they’re scoring points to where Sonnen has clearly won the first four rounds. Meanwhile, Silva is busting elbows from the guard and busted Sonnen’s face open. By the end of the fourth round, Sonnen’s face has a big gash on his upper left eye brow and Silva just has bruises under his eyes. 5th round is more of the same of some stand up punches and then to the ground, and why not. Silva slips by ducking a punch and goes to guard. This shit is over. About four minutes left and Sonnen’s rabbit punching the shit out of Silva, which does nothing damage-wise but scores points like hell. This shit is sooooooooo ov- oh what…shit…Silva with a triangle. It looks deep and long legs makes triangles easy. Sonnen uses one of the three proper escapes to a triangle by putting his own leg over Silva’s stomach and trying to pull out, but Silva looks like gumby. OMFG SONNEN TAPPED. Ha, Sonnen then tried to act like he didn’t tap and tries to keep going but UFC uses instant replay and shows that he did tap. UNBELIEVABLE. Silva wears his gi and Nogeria black belt and says, “Nogeria jiu jitsu!” I wonder if Silva was just trying to submit Sonnen on purpose. I would have given this 5 stars if the ref stood the fights up more. Too much of nothing significant in Silva’s guard, but I can see why the ref didn’t want to stand it up. I would have stood it up at two times per round at most, at least once. Not the fight of the year, but damn close. ****1/2

A mild night with a great finish. I don’t know who you put Silva against next, but I don’t think he cares if he wins or loses anymore. I’m sad he didn’t get to use aikido. People hate Silva, but honestly I’d rather watch a guy run around the ring and bust rabona kicks instead of ANOTHER wrestler laying on a guy and rabbit punching to a decision win. Fuck Sonnen. Next card looks boring, but I REALLY want James Toney to beat up Randy Couture to make Dana White mad.

Lightweight bout: George Sotiropoulos vs. Kurt Pellegrino

Looking forward to this fight as Sotiropoulous is a 10th planet guy against a Marcelo Garcia guy. Marcelo Garcia is pretty much accepted as the greatest sport bjj guy ever, gi and no gi. 10th planet jj is designed for MMA and no gi only and hated by Brazilians mostly because it was made by an American dude on weed that really never won anything except a semifinal ADCC win over Royler Gracie. I seen all of Marcelo Garcia’s tapes and while its pretty bad ass, I don’t think any of it is useful to an MMA guy whereas a lot of Eddie Bravo 10th planet stuff is immediately useful for MMA. Long side note, but only because I’m totally into this fight.

Oh also, Pellegrino was quoted begging Sotiropoulous to not tap out and to let his arm break or get choked out and he’d do the same so they could show how real BJJ guys do dis. Moron.

Sotiropoulous is a legit boxer with good boxing combos, and Pellegrino should use leg kicks to counter because Sotiropoulous’s head seems to be in the wrong place for an MMA fight but not for a boxing match. 1st round, Sotiropoulous knocks Pellegrino down with a jab, tries to get his back but does some side control thing and Pellegrino gets up. Back to boxing and Sotiropoulous is landing with the left hook a lot. Pellegrino with a takedown, but Sotiropoulous just gets back up. USA chant by Vegas crowd, which is stupid. George with a nice knee. His left jab and hook are doing well. Kurt with a takedown. George into crackhead control and unloads punches on Kurt so Kurt correctly pulls out and then goes into half guard. George pulls full guard easily and the round ends.

Kenny Florian told Kurt he gives George too much respect standing, but George is owning boxing. Kurt with unconvincing leg kicks. George grabs a leg and then after some hopping, Kurt goes down. George has awesome passing and eventually passes into quarterguard. George just unloads punches, hammerfists, and elbows from quarterguard. Kurt almost scrambles out but George holds him and Kurt’s pinned on the cage allowing George to get side control. George trying to get the back but Kurt stands up with the cage. George tries to lift Kurt to take him down but doesn’t work. Ref says advance position because Kurt cries but that’s because George is owning him Rashad Evans-like. Back to boxing. Kurt with a nice knee to George’s head but then eats a left and the round ends.

Kenny Florian tells Kurt has to finish the 3rd. Eddie Bravo tells George “HE DUN WANNA STAND WIT YOU.” 3rd round starts with boxing. George has legit boxing with a really stiff jab, but I really don’t like where George’s head is after he throws his combos. Kurt needs to bust some leg kicks and stop punching. George left hooks Kurt again and Kurt takes George down. George attempting mission control but Kurt’s stacking nicely to prevent it. I like George’s offensive guard. Kurt tries to pass but fail. George gets crackhead control, Eddie’s yelling for George to put the foot on Kurt’s hip to release the stacking. Kurt slams George to get out and they both stand again. Kurt gets a huge knee and a punch to the face as George hits the ground to convince one judge to steal the round, but George wins by decision. This was just George controlling every aspect of the fight, but the end of the fight could have been bad for George because his head is in the wrong place after his boxing combos. Against BJ Penn he won’t pay, but if they match George with a leg kicker, George would probably lose. ***1/2

Light Heavyweight bout: Krzysztof Soszynski vs. Stephan Bonnar

Mr. Kimura vs. Mr. Lifetime Contract. This fight as basically two guys trading punches. Soszynski should have made it a grappling fight, but his pride and concern for a good fight got in the way and decided to trade blows with Homer Simpson. Entertaining fight because they just traded punches, but stupid for Soszynski. ***

Welterweight bout: Chris Lytle vs. Matt Brown

Matt Brown tries to make this a clinch fight whereas Lytle is trying to trade. Matt Brown wins the first round with his dirty boxing clinch bullshit, but Lytle doesn’t look like he cares. Lytle gets mount on Brown, then side control, then reverse triangle from the top. When I saw this I was like, “WTF IS HE DOING GIVING AWAY MOUNT FOR SIDE CONTROL? Oh…reverse triangle from mount is worse.” It is worse because Lytle gets free shots to Brown’s head if he wanted, but he instead finishes with an armbar using his arms, which usually never works, but if Brown didn’t tap, Lytle would have punched the shit out of him anyway with hammerfists. Extra half star for the reverse triangle from mount that no one ever uses. ***1/2

Middleweight bout: Yoshihiro Akiyama vs. Chris Leben

So Leben takes Wanderlei Silva’s place because Silva broke 3 ribs and injured his knee in training. Oops. Leben just fought two weeks ago, sooooooooo wtf. Akiyama says he’s disappointed. Dana White says Akiyama is the type to trade blows just to show he can when people says he can’t. Great, another “pride” moron. Akiyama beats the crap out of Leben, but Leben’s another Homer Simpson. Akiyama looks gassed after the 1st round. Akiyama gets caught in a triangle and doesn’t even try to escape because he’s gassed. My god. Leben calls out Wanderlei Silva. Call out old, famous fighters. That’s how Tito does it. Easy wins. Akiyama was good as his judo takedowns, but his ground work really sucks. **1/2

Heavyweight Championship bout: Brock Lesnar (c) vs Shane Carwin (ic)

I have legit chills for this match up. I want Brock to win because he’s good for the sport, but Carwin’s knockout power is Mike Tyson-like. Brock gets punched in the face and tries to take down the Division II Wrestling Champion, but Carwin still has energy. Brock gets knocked down and Carwin unloads 101 punches to Brock’s head. I thought twice the ref might have stopped the fight, but I’m glad he didn’t because Brock looked like he was okay and was blocking a lot of them and fighting back when Carwin stopped punching. Some scary shit for Brock though. Joe says Brock’s wife isn’t watching anymore and put her head between her legs, but the Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin are still watching. Carwin with almost full mount and Brock takes that time to escape. Very nice. Round ends and this is the first time Carwin is past the 1st round.

Carwin looks TIRED the start of the 2nd round. Uh oh, is he gassed. You can’t be gassed if trained with Greg Jackson can you? Well, maybe you will be gassed if instead of training you went to your engineering job instead. Brock takes down Carwin and Carwin doesn’t even struggle. Ho shit, Carwin’s fucked. Brock in Carwin’s half guard. Brock looks like he’s going to get mount but instead moves to the other side and has a head and arm triangle. UH OH. Wait, Carwin’s got this, he looks comfortable. Oops, Carwin’s face tweaks as Brock does an adjustment and Carwin taps. Brock’s obviously been working with Erik Paulson. Modern age rope a dope as Brock waited for Carwin to punch himself out and gas and then tapped him. Didn’t even need to throw another punch in the 2nd round. No ring rust there for Brock. Afterwards, they show the Rock in Brock’s locker room saying something like, “MAN I THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE” and Brock looks like he said, “Yeah me too.” I’m paraphrasing, but Brock obviously is more humble around the Rock than to the public. If Carwin’s punching power can’t take out Brock, maybe less punching power but full cardio on Tito Ortiz look alike Cain Velasquez can give Brock some problems. Great fight. ****

After so many terrible cards, this one was awesome. Next card looks like it might suck my ass, but I want Anderson Silva to beat the shit out of Sonnen and dance doing it so he dares Dana White into firing him.

In Vancouver, Canada.

Welterweight bout: Carlos Condit vs. Rory MacDonald

MacDonald grabs Condit’s foot on a kick and punches his face to make Condit go down to start but gets back up. These guys are swinging. Condit taken down on clinch and starts meathook rubber guard. I thought Greg Jackson hated rubber guard, but his dude keeps pulling it. Greg Jackson guys are usually good at wrestling too but Condit is getting dominated in the clinch. He grabs his own foot for rubber guard which is stupid as you can break your own foot off if MacDonald postures up. Back to the feet and they throw blows as Condit gets a nice punch to the face on MacDonald. They trade punches to the face and MacDonald takes Condit down again. Condit loves the meathook rubber guard to get pot shots with the free hand. Back to the feet which shows me the takedowns don’t really put Condit in danger. These guys are mashing with kicks and punches. Condit busting nice leg kicks but taken down again. Takedowns look more impressive than solid strikes so that’ll probably cost Condit. Condit just sucks at clinch. Condit is never in danger when he’s taken down, which to me should negate the impression made from takedowns. They really need a bjj type point system. Condit almost gets taken down again but sweeps, then is pushed with MacDonald’s fet and reversed. Condit’s guard is pretty safe. Crowd loves MacDonald and chants his name all fight long. Lots of punches connecting from both guys. MacDonald starts winning the stand up and then tries the takedown, but Condit has figured out to kimura to reverse takedowns and enjoys some time on top and busts a bunch of elbows into mount. MacDonald is like “Fuck this” and just stands up but is quickly taken down. Condit looks like he’s about to knock MacDonald out. MacDonald just needs to survive to win by decision. Condit just DOMINATING with elbows. HAHAHA The ref stopped the fight because MacDonald wasn’t really responding to the 100 punches and elbows. Crowd’s pissed. I probably wouldn’t have stopped the fight, but MacDonald looked like he gave up. ***

Heavyweight bout: Ben Rothwell vs. Gilbert Yvel

Rothwell comes out super aggressive. Both guys passing each other’s guard easily because heavyweights suck. Rothwell finally just lays on Yvel. Rothwell tries to get greddy and get a mounted crucifix and Yvel stands up. Rothwell with full mount again. I don’t know how you don’t finish here. Yvel with a footlock but he sucks. Rothwell gets his mounted crucifix and can’t finish and rolls out. He sucks at grappling but his escapes are okay. Rothwell looks rocked. Rothwell continues to take Yvel down and lays on him for about two minutes before standing up. Yvel sweeps Rothwell with an Americana attempt and throws blows. Rothwell looks tired. This fight is basically lay on a dude and punch, but these punches don’t seem to hurt. Rothwell is taking Yvel down all day and wins the decision from it. Some people like the kind of fight where it’s two fat fucks taking each other down and busting weak punches. I don’t. *1/2

Welterweight bout: Paulo Thiago vs. Martin Kampmann

Lots of, uhh, “feeling out” and running. Thiago is definitely getting out punched. Thiago sick of being punched in the face and grabs a leg. Sweep kick actually takes Kampmann down but puts Thiago in a guillotine. Thiago changed the fight into a wrestling match. Well played, but he’s now losing the wrestling match. Kampmann catches a north-south choke but uses the cage to escape. Man that was tight. Next round has even more feeling out. Thiago gets bored and tries to take down and gives his back. Kampmann gives up the back mount to go for the arm triangle. Lots of stalling as Thiago has a kimura sweep. Hmm, kimura defense is looking pretty good. I may try that next week in BJJ class. Thiago taken down again after a minute and a half of “finding range.” Kampmann loves the arm triangle. Thiago looks tired. Kampmann winning because he knows how to sprawl, which is really the only technique you need if you’re against a grappler. Another arm triangle attempt and Kampmann gets the decision. Too much stalling. *1/2

Heavyweight bout: Mirko Filipović vs. Pat Barry

I love Cro Cop, but he seems slower since moving to the UFC and I picked Pat Barry to win this fight. Pat looks HUGE compared to Cro Cop. Pat knocks down Cro Cop, and then lets Cro Cop up. WTF? Why not follow him down? Pat’s leg kicks are ownage. Looks like these two just want to kick box, which is alright with me, but bad for Pat I think, especially since he’s bigger. OH SHIT! Pat just knocked down Cro Cop again with a monnnnnnster punch…and doesn’t follow. Dude, you’re going to regret it. Cro Cop looks like a mess with a messed up leg and his jaw is swollen which means broken jaw. Pat is just beating Cro Cop up. Cro Cop trying to takedown because fuck this. They tap gloves HAHA that was kinda cool. They tap gloves again and hug haha. This is funny. Pat Berry is definitely not finishing Cro Cop because he’s Pat’s hero. Cro Cop looks super hurt. Cro Cop’s left eye is swollen. Cro Cop is confortable throwing his signature kick now because he knows it’s just a kickboxing match. Cro Cop picking up speed. Clinch and Cro Cop is just slapping Berry’s thigh. Berry looks tired or something. I don’t know. Something’s off. Cro Cop just kicking the shit out of Berry. Berry with high kick that misses and Cro Cop following him to the ground. Smart. Maybe Berry should have done that. Cro Cop in Berry’s half guard. Mount into the back. Cro Cop riding the back. Nice little punches by Cro Cop. Pat Berry sucks on the ground. Cro Cop with a high kick. Cro Cop looks comfortable now busting an axe kick. Cro Cop clinches. Smart. Cro Cop with a high kick and Pat sweeps the leg like you would on the Karate Kid. Doesn’t follow up. Lots of kicks and punches by both guys again. If Pat Berry got a blue belt in BJJ he would beat Cro Cop. Pat looks like he’s throwing the fight. I said it. Cro Cop unloading on Pat Berry and Berry goes down and gets the rear naked choke for the win. Weird fight, but I liked it. This is pretty much how you market Cro Cop. We don’t want to see Bill Goldberg wrestle Chris Benoit. We want Bill Goldberg to squash some bitches. **1/2

Light Heavyweight bout: Chuck Liddell vs. Rich Franklin

I used to like Chuck Liddell, but he got cocky and talked shit on Tito. In fact, all the reasons people hated Tito is what Chuck now does, but people don’t hate on Chuck. I do. Liddell and Franklin trade a bunch of kicks and punches. These guys look old and slow. Liddell’s leg kick breaks Franklin’s arm, but Franklin punches Liddell with it anyway because he’s a MAN. Liddell has been training with Scott Epstein, 10th Planet JJ’s third black belt, and probably their best in terms of MMA application. Too bad it’s just two old guys punching. Liddell starts to win but gets caught with a soft looking fade away punch by Franklin and it’s lights out to Liddell for the match and hopefully his career. If Liddell still forces Dana White for fights, Dana should put him against Rampage or Brock and let him get beat up really really bad. Old man fight. Boring. *

Overall, a boring night again, but I liked the first fight and the Cro Cop fight. I guess I just need more big name guys on a card I pay for. I hope the next card doesn’t suck. It won’t. Geroge Sotiropoulous and Kurt Pellegrino are awesome bjj guys, Bonnar and Soszynski mash, and Lesner and Carwin are mashers. Good match ups by the match up guy. Carwin’s going to destroy Brock, which is too bad because I like both guys.