Are you following me on Twitter yet? You should be.

My Bro: I don’t know why Christians have problems with abortions.
Patrick N: Maybe because you’re killing someone.
My Bro: Don’t Christians believe God killed his only son?
Patrick N: Oh. Shit.
My Bro: Christmas = Abortion
Patrick N: Merry Abortion Day.

“Freedom of speech is a motherfuckin’ bullshit
You say the wrong thing, they lock your ass up quick.” - Ice-T

When people call to complain about racist shit, make sure it’s actually, you know, offensive. During a Clipper game, longtime announcer Ralph Lawler and color analyst Mike Smith started talking about some Iranian player no one cares about. Now, if you watch the Clippers, they are some boring shit. And after watching the shitty Clippers for 31 years, Lawler has to think up some shit to say to be entertaining. This is what got them suspended from broadcasting for one game:

Smith: “Look who’s in.”
Lawler: “Hamed Haddadi. Where’s he from?”
Smith: “He’s the first Iranian to play in the NBA.” (Smith pronounced Iranian as “Eye-ranian,” a pronunciation that offended the viewer who complained.)
Lawler: “There aren’t any Iranian players in the NBA,” repeating Smith’s mispronunciation.
Smith: “He’s the only one.”
Lawler: “He’s from Iran?”
Smith: “I guess so.”
Lawler: “That Iran?”
Smith: “Yes.”
Lawler: “The real Iran?”
Smith: “Yes.”
Lawler: “Wow. Haddadi that’s H-A-D-D-A-D-I.”
Smith: “You’re sure it’s not Borat’s older brother?”
Smith: “If they ever make a movie about Haddadi, I’m going to get Sacha Baron Cohen to play the part.”
Lawler: “Here’s Haddadi. Nice little back-door pass. I guess those Iranians can pass the ball.”
Smith: “Especially the post players.
Lawler: “I don’t know about their guards.”

So here are the things the possibly offended the EYE-ranian viewers that called in:

1) Pronounced Iran as EYE-ran.

Who hasn’t mispronounced something before?

2) Claimed there was a fake and real Iran.

Take a fucking joke.

3) Spelled out his name.

The name was strange to them. Big deal.

4) Said the player’s brother was Borat.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHHAH

5) Said a “THOSE PEOPLE” type comment.

THOSE PEOPLE did nothing wrong but try to entertain an audience that has watched a shitty team for 100 years. Why are Iranians watching the Clippers anyway? Why are any audience watching the Clippers? By getting the two announcers banned, you just made your whole race look bad because now people think all Iranians watch the Clippers.

In the finale of the third season of Craplacticos, we view FIFA and Sepp Blatter’s approach to religion.

Craplacticos 3: Episode 5
Why is Blatter scared of instant replay?